If Only We Could Stay Inside
by TheCountessAndTheEnglishLord
Summary: Pre-series. It is January 1890, and Cora and Robert are to be married in precisely four weeks and a day. My take on an impulsive act between the two, and what this means for them and their future together. Five parts on request. I have changed a few facts to fit the storyline, so please don't make a big thing of it - its just artistic licence. Rated T to be safe.
1. He Doesn't Love Me

The sky is periwinkle blue, dazzling, casting a glimmer across the lawn, as she steps forward, allowing the gentle breeze to ruffle her short, dark brown hair. Her steps are silent on the dewy grass, and her arms are wrapped around her middle, protective, defensive. A soft sigh escapes her lips, as she gazes around her in a discerning manner. The Abbey rises up above her, foreboding, dominating, intimidating. How could she ever be the Countess of this place - this grand, archaic building that is built to survive many more generations, this edifice that Robert is connected with for all his life long? She raises a hand to brush a strand of hair aside, a heedless action that she barely notices.  
>"Cora!"<br>She turns, expectant, anticipating. He runs across the grass, and stops beside her, slightly breathless, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"  
>"Y-yes..." She turns back to glance at the looming construction, yet there is an ease in her heart now, with him standing there. "Yes." This comes with more confidence, more resolution now.<br>"Shall we to tea?" He offers her his arm, and she takes it graciously, touched at his sweet, innocent gestures of –  
>Love?<br>Does he love her as much as she loves him? With that fiery passion that burns day and night, keeps her awake under her soft sheets, distracts her from ordinary life?  
>"Cora?"<br>"Yes, of course."  
>He leads her inside, and she trails a sense of hopelessness, as she realises that her money is his only priority right now.<br>Of course he doesn't.


	2. Stranger

"Sugar?"  
>Her head snaps up, a sharp, jolting action that jars her neck. "Oh - no."<br>The edge of her plate just touches the saucer. Pointedly, Violet leans across and separates the two briskly, making both Robert and Cora startle.  
>"So, what do you think of Downton Abbey?" The Dowager regards the nervous young woman beadily over the rim of her teacup.<br>The breath catches in her throat. "It's...breathtaking. Simply wonderful."  
>Robert can see how desperate Cora is to tell the truth, to reveal her American roots that have been suppressed for the previous few months, but dares not; for fear of aggravating his mother. Yet, he is intrigued by her forced politeness.<br>"Really?"  
>He feels his mother nudge him under the table, but this only spurs him on. His fiancée meets his eye, challenging.<br>"Well, at the risk of being impertinent, I just can't live here."  
>A silence greets her, their shocked, pale faces puzzled and affronted.<br>"Despite its – _extraneous_ beauty and expansive accommodation – it's...intimidating. Being from a foreign land, my alien thoughts and beliefs do not bode well with the grandiose of Downton Abbey."  
>The older woman's teacup slams onto the china, clattering, abrasive. "Are you saying that you are too mediocre for the noble name of Downton?" Violet's lips set in a firm, threatening line.<br>Cora opens her mouth to speak again, but the words do not come. She swallows with difficulty, her eyes beginning to fill. She cannot do it.  
>"I – I'm sorry," she manages to croak out, and quickly standing, she folds her napkin carelessly and rushes out, filling the room yet again with an eerie silence.<br>After a second, Robert stands. As he turns to go, Violet grabs his arm. "Robert, have you lost all sense of propriety and decorum? How can you marry this woman with her pompous air and grand ideas above her station?"  
>But he pulls his arm from her iron grasp, leaving the weak woman alone, the colour slowly draining from her face.<p>

"Cora?"  
>He stops beside the door, and raps his knuckles against the panelling softly, once then twice. No answer. He reaches out for the handle. It is cold in his palm as he turns it, and suddenly her room comes into view. She sits on the bed, her back to him. She doesn't move, but unbeknownst to him, tears slide down her cheeks, uncontrollable.<br>"Cora?"  
>"Go away." Her words cut like knives, making him shrink back.<br>"Cor–"  
>"I said <em>go away,<em> Robert." This time she says it with such fervency, such ferocity that he turns, frightened and steps quickly away, his footsteps echoing down the corridor.  
>Cora's shoulders start to shake. Her head drops, and she looks like a sad, lost young girl. She could be merely sixteen in this moment.<br>"Oh God...what have I done? What have I done?"  
>She shares her grief-stricken, pitiful words with no-one, but her ladies maid has to close the door again softly and go, shaking her head in sorrow, in empathy with her.<p>

Cora pushes back the curtain, letting the soft fabric fall back to reveal the new day. A certain sadness washes over her as she recalls her fight with Robert yesterday. She closes her eyes momentarily, and her body sways, dizzy with confusion. The last things she sees is the white ceiling and the last things she feels is the soft carpet cushioning her fall.  
>"Cora?"<br>She blinks, coming to. Above her, Robert's face hovers, mask of concern. "Are you okay?"  
>"Y-yes..." She sits up quickly, and suddenly the room spins, forcing her back down again.<br>"Steady, steady..."  
>She tries again and she easily settles into a sitting position. She's still wearing her nightdress, and Robert is kneeling beside her, his eyebrows slanted in worry.<br>"Are you sure you're okay?"  
>He is so beautiful, she thinks, as she reaches out a hand to cover his. How could anyone be denied this, she thinks, as she leans forward and kisses him softly, his skin warm against hers. Her lips part and she gasps a little, then slowly moves forward again, her tongue exploring, searching. Her hands move to his shoulders, and slide around his neck, dragging him closer to her. But then it's over, because he's pulling back, pushing her away. "No, Cora."<br>He stands and walks away, leaving her eyes to fill again, and her heart to break a little more.

~

_If anyone reading this is confused, and you want to understand why he walked away, stay a little while longer and listen. Robert loved Cora from the moment he saw her (in my interpretation of their relationship) but he is so tied down to Downton and he is so wrapped up in upholding the dignified tradition that he must take over, that he doesn't allow himself to believe that he loves her, for the fact that he thinks he will be tied to her as well and will have to give up everything for her.  
>I hope this makes sense, but message me if it doesn't. Cora loves him desperately by the way, but doesn't think he loves her, she just thinks he is marrying her for her money. <em>


	3. Breakthrough

Robert leans against the banister, his eyes wide.

The taste of her still lingers on his tongue.

He wants her so badly he wishes he coud turn around and go back.

But he mustn't.

How could she love him, after what he has put her through?

Of course she doesn't love him.


	4. Reckless Abandon

_Credit where its due, I have used part of a conversation between Cobert that exists in Series 1, so this belongs to Julian Fellowes. _

Cora pushes one hand against the door, letting it swing open. She leans out and glances down the corridor, allowing it to bang back against her shoulder. No sign of him.  
>A week has gone by since the day she had kissed him, and apart from polite conversation, such as "How are you?" and "Could you please pass me the salt?" he has not spoken to her. She takes this all in good grace, but inside she is hurting, hurting from the fact that he does not love her.<br>Just this morning she was sick, clutching the porcelain sink as strands of hair fell into her face.  
>"I should never have allowed it to happen..." she thinks, as her footsteps echo around the house, down the staircase, and out the front door.<p>

**THREE NIGHTS BEFORE**

Cora lies in bed, trying to fall asleep, but the sheets are hot, and wisps of hair cling to her forehead. Eventually she turns onto her side, looking out the window, trying to ease into sleep.  
>"Cora?"<br>She shoots up in bed. Robert stands in the doorway, shrouded in moonlight that pours in the open curtains.  
>"Robert? What are you doing here?"<br>But he doesn't reply. Instead he rushes to her, grabbing her and kissing her passionately, pinning her down on the bed. She is shocked momentarily, but then she gives in, hungry for him. It's then that she realises that he Is only wearing a dressing robe, for he Is untying It and then leaning forward to untie her nightgown from behind.  
>"It – It opens – at –at the fr – front..." she stutters, as her body tingles with the feeling of his hands on her. Then, the cold air is meeting her skin, and he is pulling her legs apart, sliding inside her. She gasps, and tears roll down her cheeks as she melts inside. He starts to move, and she grabs him, pulling him closer, wanting him, wanting him with a passion.<br>"Oh, Cora..." His face is bejewelled with ecstasy as they move in time with each other, clinging in a tight embrace. "Cora..."

"Cora Levinson?"  
>She realises she has been leaning against the wall, so she pushes herself back, meeting the nurse's eye. "Yes."<br>She is led into the doctor's office, which is panelled a dark brown and is lined with shelf upon shelf of books. The doctor turns from the basin, where he has been washing his hands from the previous patient, and Cora sees that he is handsome – probably in his late twenties, short light brown hair, and kind eyes which crinkle at the corner when he smiles. "Mrs Crawley. How do you do?"  
>"Cora Levinson," she corrects him, mildly embarrassed. His eyebrows go up in an "Oh!" gesture, but he nods and smiles again. "How can I help you?"<br>She feels distinctively uncomfortable. A quick, nervous glance is aimed at the nurse, who stands purse-lipped by the sideboard. "Um..."  
>"Evelyn, may you leave us?"<br>The woman looks distinctly put out by this command but obeys, demonstrating her annoyance by briskly slamming the door. Cora flinches, a shiver passing over her spine in anxiety.  
>"Won't you sit down?"<br>She does as he says, and he sits opposite her behind his desk. "Now, how can I help you?"  
>"I think I'm...I'm..." She widens her eyes and waves her hands in an encompassing fashion over her stomach in a round motion, evidently too embarrassed to speak.<br>"Oh! I see," he says jovially, slightly amused at her little role play. "Won't you lie down over here? Let me take your coat."

Robert paces back and forth In front of the bench that overlooks the village. He cannot bring himself to understand why he did such a thing. _Why?_  
>He cannot get her face out of his mind; her eyes shut, head thrown back in ecstasy. Her whispering his name. "Robert...Robert..."<br>"Robert!"  
>He looks up. She walks now, real as anything, across the lawn, a smile spread across her face. "Robert!" Her pace quickens.<br>He turns and begins to stalk away, but the ground suddenly comes rushing up to meet him, and he is brushing leaves from his hair, thoroughly embarrassed.  
>"Robert! Are you a right?" She kneels beside him, as he pulls himself onto his elbows, then into a sitting position. "Are you hurt?"<br>"Just a bruised ego," he quips, standing quickly and brushing himself off. "The mud..."  
>She laughs a little, showing her dimples, forcing Robert to look away. The humour dies in her eyes and she doesn't move for several moments, the damp soaking through her skirt.<br>"Robert?" She scrambles to her feet now, placing a hand on his forearm. "What's wrong?"  
>"<em>Nothing<em>!" HIs sharp tone shocks them both, and she steps back. A long silence falls over them, and then Cora speaks.  
>"Why are you marrying me, Robert? I don't see how you could love me. Look at the way you flinch when I laugh, look at the way you make love to me then ignore me for three days! Can you see us, Robert? We are supposed to be in love! But you can't stand the sight of me! You dismiss me continuously and belittle me so often, it's a wonder I don't leave right now, but I'm not bringing up a child on my own!"<br>These last words fall somewhere deep inside Robert as he looks up, his eyes wide.  
>"I'm pregnant, Robert. I'm going to have your child."<p>

He stares at her, eyes wide, face slack. If they had been in any less a serious situation she would laugh, but it seems inappropriate and misplaced.  
>"<em>Pregnant<em>?"  
>She recoils slightly . "You needn't be quite so brusque."<br>"I can't take it in..."  
>"But...you're pleased?"<br>He looks her in the eye, and she knows.  
>In that split second.<br>She knows.  
>He would drop her readily if her money went down the drain.<br>He doesn't care that she's carrying his child.  
>"Go inside, Cora."<br>Her eyes fill, and a lump rises in her throat. "Robert-"  
>"Go <em>inside<em>, Cora!"  
>She shrinks back at his words and runs away, her scarf trailing and falling behind, caught on the tree branches. Robert sinks onto the bench, and slowly the tears start to fall.<p>

He loves her. He couldn't love her more in this moment.

_His child. His child._

_His wife. His love. _


	5. The Beginning of Everything

A cool breeze hits her face, her hair trailing our behind her. The curtains blow back, exposing the night, exposing her fears, her love. A sigh escapes her lips, and she turns, heading back towards the bed.

And

He is sitting there, his eyes locked on hers. Something glistens in his hand.

Her breath catches in her throat, and she grabs the bed post for support.

"Robert?"

"Oh, Cora. Oh my love." He stands and walks slowly towards her, taking her free hand. "Cora."

"What..."

But the words die on her lips as he places a locket in her palm. The lump in her throat shifts as she pushes her nail into the groove. The catch springs open and she bites her lip. Then her eyes fill.

_My wife. My love. My life. May time never mar our love._

The words are engraved into the delicate silver, subtle yet perfect, causing the tears to pour down her cheeks.

"Oh my..."

"I was wrong, Cora, I was so, so wrong. I love you, I love you more than life itself. I believed my duty was to Downton and I didn't want you caught up in that, trapped in a dull, meaningless life. But I love you. I don't think I could go on without you being beside me, as my wife, as my love. So, if you will still have me, I believe we have a wedding tomorrow. Will I see you there?"

"Oh Robert...I didn't think you could love me! I cannot express to you how much it hurt to see you step away from me, but I know it would hurt ten times more for me to not be with you. Of course I will, of course I will!"

He kisses her passionately then, taking her breath away, making the tears come faster. Suddenly he breaks away.

"I'm so happy that you are pregnant. So happy. It couldn't be more perfect."

A small laugh escapes her nose.

"I'm...Robert...oh dear..."

Her face gives it away. His eyes register blank horror.

"You're not pregnant?"

"No...I'm...I'm actually...uh...pre-menstrual. I missed a period and I thought –"

"Oh!" He waves a hand in the air, evidently too uncomfortable.

"Robert, it's perfectly normal, I'm just inexperienced in –"

"Hm!"

A giggle escapes her mouth then, uncontrollable and unavoidable. Her shoulders shake, and the tears dry as she bends forward, breathless with soundless laughter. He watches her, a dumbfounded expression spread across his face. Then he starts. He cannot help it, but her giggles are too infectious. Within minutes, they are speechless with laughter, clutching each other and falling.

"Oh..."

Cora wipes a hand across her eyes, which have filled again in good humour. He chuckles, composing himself.

"But...just because I'm not now, it doesn't mean it'll last long. Is anyone using that bed?" She indicates towards her bed, and he laughs again, and grabbing her, he kisses her again. They fall back onto the bed, and it groans in response. But they are otherwise engaged.

"Robert?"

"Hmmm?"

"Robert!"

He shoots up in bed, nothing on but a sheet covering him. His mother stands over him, dressed in her best, and Cora stands by her dressing table, adorned with flowers and stunning in her bridal gown. His eyes widen. She grins, then her small, perfect mouth opens and speaks to him.

"Maybe you should get dressed. You _are _getting married today."


End file.
